I’m not going to explain everything again, but you can read it here:
http://www.chasechat.com/showthread.php?tid=10069&page=7
For those of you who have never had a child addicted to drugs, please take the time to read this article:
https://www-m.cnn.com/2014/08/26/living/addiction-parents/index.html
My daughter has been clean for about three years or so. However, there’s not a day that goes by that I don’t struggle with some fear that she will relapse. Addiction can happen to anyone, but when it happens to your little girl, you would move heaven and earth to save her from the absolute pit of hell that is drug addiction.
Every day I pray for her to have strength to resist the almost horribly powerful temptation to fall back into that life. Addiction to opioids is one of the strongest addictions known, and I’ve witnessed first hand how it can turn a clean cut, innocent little girl into a criminal, or a corpse. And that is my ultimate fear— that I will lose my daughter in the end to the drugs that demonized her early adulthood.
Unwanted flashbacks still sometimes come from a time when I was standing next to her hospital bed after an overdose of a drug cocktail. I remember crying and begging God not to take her away; I remember grasping her hand and wondering if the warmth I felt there was temporary. It is one of the most agonizing moments of a mother's life.
The day my daughter got out of jail a couple years ago, I was there to pick her up. I hugged her ferociously and didn’t want to let her go, because I was afraid. Afraid that now that she was out of the relative safety of jail, she would relapse. I was warned that the statistics weren’t good and that a large percentage of addicts relapse within a year.
A week went by, then a year...she’d found a job, bought her first car, went to NA meetings, went to church and was baptized. I began to breathe a little easier, but always the fear was there.
I talk to my daughter every day. I tell her I love her every day. I try to give her wise counsel. But she is an adult, and I have to let her live her own life.
People say that I could have prevented her recent arrest had I not been spending so much time on the chase. That is not true, in two ways:
1. The chase has NEVER taken priority over my family. It NEVER will.
2. My daughter is an adult. She lives five hours away. I cannot stand watch over her every move. I can and have done everything I can to help steer her on the right path. And I know she will get there. Her life is not ruined. Or over. She is not “hopeless.” I believe she has a bright future.
I am still proud of how far she has come. I love her, and will always love her, and I will never give up on her. I am not ashamed of her, or myself.
We will come through this, and we will be stronger. And I am comforted that because we aren’t ashamed to tell our story, we have already helped those who are struggling with the same addiction.
People can judge, assume, gossip, and hate all they want, but it will NEVER change who I am—a mother who fiercely loves all three of her children and who would gladly sacrifice everything I have—my money, my life, my soul— to ensure they grow up to be happy, healthy, safe, and strong.
Part of me is glad that the haters found out. The cyberstalking is not okay, don't get me wrong...but it served to remind me that I have nothing to be ashamed of, and neither does my daughter. Yes, she obviously made a mistake, but I'm not going to shame her about it. she knows she made a mistake and accepts responsibility. What I am going to do is love her, be there for her, and encourage her to shine like the star I know her to be.
We are unconquerable.
❤️❤️❤️