Behind the Scenes

In TTOTC, Forrest quotes a little of Shakespeare's As You Like It when he references the many parts a person plays in life.

"All the world's a stage,
And all the men and women merely players;
They have their exits and their entrances,
And one man in his time plays many parts..."

Forrest also said, "Movies Lie to You."

I look at it like this. In a movie, actors are often larger than life, beautiful Scarlett Johansson's and Chris Hemworth's with zero flaws, living perfect lives, and riding into ever perfect sunsets. Most stories follow an arc, and when I was an editor, part of my job was to make sure the story arc was there. I see the story arc in TTOTC. You have the protagonist actors-- Forrest, his family and friends. The antagonists-- John Charles Whatever, the Kachina store owners, the Alpha teachers. You have seemingly larger than life events in My War for Me. And you have what editors and writers call "The Black Moment," when Forrest receives the diagnosis of cancer, when all seems lost and when hope is pinched out like the flame on a match. And then, in the end, hope is restored when the heroes and heroines (Forrest's surgeon and home team) save the day and everyone lives contently ever after.

But, while the world and even TTOTC is a stage, there's always a different world behind the scenes.

Every day, at some time, even the most glamorous actors exit the stage to live "off camera." It's only then that they're real. The masks and makeup come off, and they slip out of the part they've played all day long.

Sometimes, it can be tragic. Take Robin Williams, for example. Some people were aware of the deep bouts of depression he'd go through. But most of us, including me, were oblivious. On camera, he was so funny, so outrageous, and seemed to always be smiling and laughing. When I look at pictures of him now, although in them he was smiling with his mouth, his eyes held such a huge sadness that I hadn't noticed before, and I'm usually really good at reading eyes, and that's why I still have trouble looking people in the eyes. There's too much to see, and contrary to popular belief, people with Aspergers are empathetic almost to an extreme.

One of my PA's went to San Francisco for vacation, and brought us all back these little coin purses from Chinatown. Inside was a piece of chocolate and a little trinket with Chinese letters on one side and the meaning on the other. He held out the box and asked me to pick one. I looked at them like they were fortune cookies, and I picked a black one. This is what I got:

Sorry for that little tangent, but I wanted to fit it in somewhere, because I liked it and thought it was the perfect word to describe me. Other coworkers seemed to get perfect descriptors, too.

Anyway, behind the scenes, Robin Williams struggled with a darkness no amount of makeup or spotlight could hide. And the result was tragedy. How sad our society has become that we are so focused on the stage that we ignore, forget, or dismiss what goes on behind the scenes.

Our world has become almost a false reality, a false Facebook reality. I have friends on Facebook who post inspirational quotes, about a billion smiling selfies, and another five thousand little snippets of their seemingly perfect days in their seemingly perfect lives. Yet, behind the scenes, their lives are falling apart. I know some people who do this, as though posting a perfect moment on Facebook will magically make their lives behind the scenes match the one on camera.

Unfortunately, life, and Facebook, doesn't work that way. Facebook has become a competition, a keeping up with the Jones's, a "my life is better than your life" battle of perfection. It's like the movies. It's a lie.

There's something inherently prideful about the human race that strives to show the world only "an actor in character." By that, I mean we all strive to remain "in character" when others are around to see. When women put on their makeup, get dressed, then plaster on a smile when they walk out the front door, they're immediately in character, and "on stage." We're inherently afraid of rejection and judgment, so we strive for a perfection that only movies and magazine covers can realistically obtain.

To me, that's a rapidly blooming flaw in our society. When the average person reads the Facebook posts of their friends with their perfect husbands, perfect kids, new cars, and flawless lives, they tend to believe what is portrayed "on stage" is reality. The result is a lot of depressed people who think their lives just plain old suck in comparison. As a result, there are those on Facebook who are part of the always negative "FML" crowd.

Now I'm not saying Facebook is all bad. I think it's a great way to network, a great way to keep up with old friends, and a great place to brag a little about the good things, as well as a great place to ask for support and prayer. I believe balance is the key. Like Shakespeare said, we all play many parts in life. I'm a mother, daughter, medical professional, tomboy, niece, aunt, sister, and many others. Our scripts are full of ourselves playing all the parts.

But at the end of the day, when we're alone in the solitude of our minds, we are simply "Me." The art of life, to me, is incorporating "me" in all the parts I play. To play each part with as much honesty and "me-ness" as I can. I strive to be genuine. Most of the time, it's hard for me to hide my feelings. If I'm feeling overwhelmed, I tend to withdraw. People notice. If I'm excited or happy, I tend to be more talkative, and laugh and smile a lot. People notice. In other words, I don't own many masks. And I guess that's probably an Asperger's trait. My motto has always been "what you see is what you get."

There are variations, of course. Sometimes, if I'm feeling overwhelmed, I can't afford to withdraw. Exiting the stage isn't an option, so I play the part, and remain "in character."

I don't think that's a big deal. Who doesn't want others to see them at their best? And some professions require that you remain "in character" in order to be successful. Maybe then (and probably only then) the phrase, "It's not who you are, but who they think you are," matters. Sometimes, when your life is falling apart behind the scenes, you have to step up the acting while on stage for the benefit of others.

But don't we all want people who are genuine? Don't we all get sick of those people who seem to be plastered with smiles and positive sayings and happiness every minute of every day? Sort of like Rob Lowe's character in Parks and Rec, where everything is "literally" the greatest thing EVER? It makes me wonder what happens when they finally exit the stage at the end of a day and drop the character they've been playing. It makes me not really want to be there to see it, because you know it can't be pretty.

And don't get me wrong--a positive outlook on life, and an inner contentment and underlying happy disposition is awesome, and many people are blessed with that. But at the same time, suppressing any negative feeling without dealing with it is unhealthy, and becomes transparent enough to mar the beauty of those "always positive no matter what" people.

Sometimes life is hard. Sometimes things happen that genuinely suck. Sometimes things happen that make you sad, or angry, or disgusted. And you know what? It's okay to express the feelings that come as a result. What's not okay is to let those things best you. What's not okay is becoming one of those FML people on Facebook who seem to attract lightning strikes like a metal rod on a skyscraper. Those people even have a "wet" sort of countenance to me, soggy and weighed down by the rain that continually pours down on them.

There's a balance to be found, both on the world stage and behind the scenes. A balance that makes you genuine. That's hard to find these days, and it's one reason I strive for transparency on my blog, and in everyday "on stage" life. I don't like pretending to feel something I don't. I don't like pretending to be someone I'm not. I think people need that transparency. One of the problems in society today is there isn't enough "behind the scenes" exposed to the public. So people read those Facebook posts and become depressed and jealous and bitter--over a lie (or at least an exaggeration)-- because they think it's reality, and their own reality is not nearly so glamorous.

And I'm not saying it's wrong to post positive things on Facebook, but I think it's also important to abandon being "in character" sometimes, if only to show that you're genuine.

In fact, behind the scenes, where the spotlight is dim and the microphones are off, life is hard. Bills have to be paid, kids have to be fed and clothed and diapers changed. Nothing is accomplished without effort. And sometimes, happy endings don't naturally happen just because movies tell us they do.

One of my goals in blogging is to share my behind the scenes struggles of life with the hope that it touches someone by showing them they aren't alone in their problems or their feelings. We all share common human emotions, and not all of them are positive, and it's okay to express hurt, and anger, and sadness sometimes. It shows that we're human, and we have common misfortunes, and that we aren't the only ones walking through a storm at one time or another. It shows us that the reality is not Facebook. And with my posts, I hope that something I say matters to someone. I hope something I say gives hope to someone.

I know there are people out there who feel hopeless, and alone, and desperate. And my goal is to show them that they aren't alone, and that while it may seem at times like there's no hope, there is always hope. My hope is that by telling my story, it helps someone else who may be going through similar trials.

Our emotions are there for a reason. They shouldn't be swept under a rug, or scoffed at, or suppressed simply to hide our life behind the scenes. Expressing our emotions in a healthy way is important to our well-being. And by learning to express our emotions in a healthy way, we are more apt to adopt a positive outlook. The problem is that society is being shaped to believe that expressing any strong emotion, or showing any depth of feeling, is "abnormal," and therefore "weak" or "dramatic."