Math is terrible

The more I solve of Forrest's poem, the more I'm finding that math is inevitable. Or at least numbers are inevitable. I've known numbers would play a role in the solve, but not really like this. I don't think all the numbers I'm finding are important, and the trick is to find the numbers that are important rather than the numbers that are just extra "noise."

I do realize that the important things are BOLD, though hard to detect until your eyes adapt.

But my eyesight is not the best, and trying to decide which things are bold isn't super easy. I did find a nice crow, though. Very Forrest-esque drawing. :)

But the idea of having to do something with the numbers I'm finding over and over is daunting. Some are easy, like highways. Others, I'm not sure what they mean, because they're combined with letters that aren't N, W, E, or S.

I'm almost done, though, and have the state, the area, and the geography. I just have to "connect the dots." And do some math, maybe.

However, time is still my enemy. There are so many daily struggles, and my mind is in fifty places at once. I've got to find a way for my mom to come home to die (that I can afford). The ideal is home hospice, but I'm not sure me or my mom have the kind of money that will take. My brother is helping a little, but not financially. My sister-in-law has been a huge help with good advice, as she has been a hospice nurse for a very long time. She posted this on Facebook the other day, and I thought it was very nice and compassionate.

It is hard to see my mom decline so quickly. And I've never dealt with anything like this before, so I'm sort of at a loss how to go about things. I've been meeting and talking with case workers, and my mom calls me about twenty or so times a day, very confused and just asking me not to forget her, and that no matter what, she loves me. To me, that sounds like someone who is preparing to die. I'm thinking of taking the day off, or at least leaving work early today, so I can bring Monet for a long visit. That's what she really wants, and that's what makes her happy.

My brother is checking into funeral arrangements. We think that before my dad died, he paid for my mom's final costs and made those arrangements, but we don't know for sure, so he's checking into that. That's a huge help to me.

Joe had a rough day at school yesterday due to beginning of the year shyness. We talked for a long time, and I think he's doing better, but my heart breaks for him, because I see a lot of myself in there, and I remember the struggles with shyness I had as a kid. It was debilitating.

So last night, I found myself praying a lot, and I do feel more at peace. I think when bad things happen in clumps of "rain," it's like a test. You can either wallow in the mud, or you can look up, find the break in the clouds, and put one foot in front of the other til you emerge back into the sunshine. I'm not a wallower, even though sometimes I feel like just sinking. But that's not an option, and I do what I have to do to make it back to the sunshine. And that journey back to the sun might not be fun, and might mean sacrifice, but I do what I have to do for the good of myself and my family. And the only way I can do that is with God's strength. Because I simply don't have it. He's the reason I make it through any hardship. :)