What Matters and Where it Matters

Yesterday was a crazy day. Since I took Monday off, and my boss starts her vacation today, I couldn't miss work yesterday (and couldn't afford to even if I wanted to).

Before work, I went to the police station to see if any of the police reports were ready from Friday and Monday. Friday's was ready, but Monday's won't be complete until this afternoon. I picked up what they had so far.

When I got to work, an investigator for Department of Family Services called and said she was going to go to the nursing room and speak to my mom, but she wanted my take on what had happened first. I told her the story as it was told to me.

Then, I started making arrangements for my mom to be transferred to another facility, and deciding to wait until the investigator was finished with her interview before we actually made the transfer.

Then, around 10:00 am, my mom called, and started talking crazy. At the same time, Aidan started calling. She'd gone to visit my mom, and was scared of the way she was talking. She told Aidan the boss of the nursing home took my mom to her house, to a party, and pushed her down in the pool, among other things. I asked my mom about it, and she just grew more and more confused. She stated she now couldn't remember what happened on Friday.

She called every ten minutes after that, and the stories grew more convoluted and confused. I didn't know what was happening, but I knew she had another UTI, and UTI's can make people, especially the elderly, very confused. The nurse had done her job (for once) and informed me a physician had seen her in the morning and increased her antibiotic. So, I thought maybe the confusion had a simple answer.

But, it just kept getting even weirder.

She called and whispered: I made the whole thing up.
Me: What? About Friday?
Mom: Yes.
Me: Why would you do that? And why would Kelly tell me something happened to you?
Mom: I don't know, but I dreamed it all. They said so.
Me: Who said so?
Mom: I don't know, but I made the whole thing up because I love you and I didn't want you to be mad at me.
Me: Mom, I do love you, and I'm not mad at you. Why would you make something like that up? If that's true, you may have cost two people their jobs. The police came out twice. I sure hope I didn't raise hell for a lie.
Mom: I don't know what happened Friday.
Me: Did you make it up or not? I sorta need to know the truth here, Mom.
Mom: I can't remember, but I must have imagined it.
Me: I'm totally lost. Why would Kelly say that she had been threatened that she would be fired if she told the truth? How did you break your nail and get the black eye? Something happened, but now I have no idea what. I've really got to know what happened, Mom. The truth is really important.
Mom: What do you want me to say?
Me: Just the truth.
Mom: I don't know. I just want you to love me and I want to go home.

Well, that pretty much shattered my heart. I assured her I loved her, and that although it would be nice if she could come home, I didn't know if she would be able. I remember on Saturday when we were having her party, she looked especially frail, and tired, and just not really there. My sister-in-law is very blunt (she's a hospice nurse), and told my mom she would probably never be able to go back "home" again, because she was just too frail and would need round the clock care.

Shortly after that conversation, a nurse called and said that the results of her urinalysis came back, and they thought it was best to EVAC her to the emergency room because of her "altered mental status." So, I called Aidan and asked if she could meet my mom there to give the ER doctor her history, because I couldn't get away right then from work (I was working with a patient).

Once I finished at work, I headed to the hospital and visited with her for a few minutes before they took her away for a CT scan. At that time, they were concerned about a stroke or sepsis. She didn't look good. As I waited, I kept picturing how she looked in my mind, so to take my mind off it for a minute, I checked in on the blogs, and the two haters were still spouting their usual hate, so I lost it and in all caps, told them to give it a rest for a few days. It was then I realized that they weren't just trolls, they were real life evil. I think I'm done with ChaseChat; there are some seriously mentally ill and/or evil people there. Oh, I'm not bowing out of the chase--no way--but I am refusing to associate or interact with idiots who also happen to be evil. So, see ya, ChaseChat. I understand Stephanie letting some things go in the spirit of free speech, but some things get carried too far. The Wolf sent me an email expressing his disgust, and he's also done with ChaseChat. If I don't find the treasure, I sure hope he does.

Anyway, there's nothing left for anyone to offer there, or on Dal's for that matter. I have the method to solve the poem. And why try to feed anything that's just going to bite your hand?

So, anyway, the CT scan looked good, and although her bloodwork was a little off, it wasn't critical. They did want to keep her overnight, and then transfer her to a new facility tomorrow. Unfortunately, the diagnosis will most likely be dementia, and she will go to what they call the "Sundowner's Beach" wing at Oceanview. I don't think she'll like that very much, and before I left last night, she was begging to come home for "just one day," to see Monet. That shattered my heart, too. I told her I would bring Monet to the nursing home as soon as I could.

The drive home from the hospital was somber. I sort of felt alone, but at the same time, I could feel God's love drawing me in. I felt a certain kind of solitary peace, and knew that no matter what people thought, or how misunderstood I was, I was doing my best, and there's just One who really knows my heart. Only He can judge me. And that One who can judge me also loves me, and loves my mom, unconditionally. I knew He would watch over her, and hopefully, give her the peace I was feeling at that moment.

At the end of the day, it doesn't matter who they think you are. It matters who you are. And I am a child of God, striving to be a light in the lives of those I love, and striving to make a difference in the world.

Who are you?