Full Disclosure

In light of all the recent interest in my rumored past, I would like to provide, for your entertainment, all of the sordid details of my history on this planet.

In the past, I have also been:

A hobo. Riding the dusty rails, I'd sometimes have to leap from fast moving trains to escape runaway circus clowns who thought I was making a sad attempt to impersonate them. Luckily, the ninja training I received in a covert CIA recruitment program of young female geniuses prevented any "death by clown."

I can't believe I actually found an applicable result when I Googled "Hobo Ninja."

Once I tired of the humdrum hobo life, I decided to become an astronaut. Thanks to my Air Force stints at CENTCOM and The Pentagon, as well as my relations with the CIA, becoming an astronaut was a piece of cake.

And yes! Successful results when I Googled "Astronaut Ninja!"

While I was deployed to Mars to spy on a secretive gray alien race, I rode on giant scorpions like a rowdy and randy cowgirl on the plains, looking for trouble and often finding it.

That was fun. But, eventually, I became bored of being a ninja space fighter for freedom and justice.

When I returned to Earth, rumors of my exploits leaked to the media, and for a while, my secret identity basked in the spotlight. They even made tee shirts about me.

Then, there was that time I was a Japanese warrior princess who, disgruntled with my culture's patriarchal society, shed my kimono and rode unicorns in search of light and love and eternal rainbows.

Being a Japanese warrior ninja princess has its ups and downs. One of the best parts was that time I rode alongside Mr. T into battle... He was funny, and always said I was the best ninja warrior princess ever.

I decided that the Japanese Ninja life wasn't for me after the bloody battle known as "The Massacre of Tophat Cat & Friends."

But before leaving my unicorn behind, we shared one last feast on the Sprinkle Cupcake Star in a distant galaxy.

I began to realize that I needed to find my niche in life. Maybe I needed some formal education...
Naturally, there was only one school for me...I'm the one in blue third from the right.

I can't believe I'm finding this stuff...

After graduating with honors from Hogwarts, I put my new magical abilities to good use by attending kid's birthday parties and making cake and ice cream disappear.

I even got Thank You cards from the kids, proving that children have the superpower of knowing secret stuff, like a ninja's address.

And finally, I had one last occupation not previously disclosed.

Ninja Squirrel.

Unfortunately, that wasn't quite the end...  Sadly, I became Ninja Squirrel Roadkill. Here is a forensic artist's depiction, as the real picture was just too graphic and made children all over the world cry giant, literal alligator tears.

And so, you see, there is no real Mindy. She's suffered the fate of many sneaky ninjas, and is now only a ghost, ever ready to haunt your dreams...

P.S. HarryFool, you really need to delete that ridiculously erroneous thread before I report it to CrowdGather. I think they're beginning to tire of constantly monitoring your forum.